They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
