just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Randomize
