5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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