he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
