so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
