One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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