just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
