Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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