If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
