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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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