Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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