I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
