Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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