I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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