We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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