I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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