you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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