god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
