Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
