literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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