It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
