Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
