I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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