don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
