Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
