no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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