Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
