tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
