Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
