dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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