That's intense
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
