porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
