i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
