the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
