i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
