Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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