next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
