they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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