i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
