I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
