You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
