I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
