I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
