I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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