Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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