I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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