my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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