I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
