How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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