i just had sex bonerless
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
