Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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