people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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