She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
