Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
