where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
