Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he thought i was a dude.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
